the dirty "e" word.

i'm reading a book called "Envy: The Enemy Within" by Bob Sorge.
it's a buzzkill, for sure.

check this out:
"We resist pinning the label "envy" on the struggles of our soul because of the implications that word carries with it. If we own up to envy, we are giving admittance to some powerfully indicating weaknesses. We are tacitly admitting the following attitudes:

- I am ungrateful for what God has given me. His gifts are not enough for me; I also want what He's given another.

- My heart is motivated at a fundemental level by an element of self-interest, self-preservation and self-promotion. I am not able to fully celebrate my brother's successes because of underlying feelings of competition and ambition in my soul.

- My carnality is impeding the unity of the body of Christ--the unity that is central to the bride's preparation. Hence, part of me is hindering, instead of hastening, Christ's return."


yeah. try swallowing THAT.
i love books that make my heart ache, and my mind race, and my soul long to be better, stronger, wiser.
they are just not always the easiest books to read.



bottom line: i want to grow.
i want to live and love so strongly and so big .. ly.

God's faithfulness to us in our great humanity is unthinkable.
i will never understand.
it is so frightning ... and i love that.




PS - this post is dedicated to Jenna Benna ..
she's been bugging me about blogging again,
and I'm sure she's the only one who reads this!
so, here's to you, j!